I have completely learned my lesson and am 100% sorry for always wanting to sleep in as late as possible during the week but waking up before 6am on the weekends just to watch pointless cartoons and demand that my parents bring me snacks while I was younger. You have been successful in your hard lessons by teaching me what I put my parents through. Now that I’ve learned my lesson, can you please stop trying to teach me this particular one? Please?

Sincerely,
A mother that is currently 4.5 years behind on sleep.

I weighed myself this morning and I am currently down 13.2 pounds in just under 3 weeks!!

New Year’s Resolutions, FTW!!!  (FTW = for the win.  It took me a few minutes months to figure it out so I thought I would pass it along for those that didn’t know.  It also stands for F*** the World so you see why I was very confused for several months.  I couldn’t understand why everybody in my virtual world had become so gangsta all of a sudden.  Turns out?  I’m just incredibly white and nerdy.)

I swear to all that is Holy, I’m not doing anything crazy.  I honestly wouldn’t even call this a “diet”.  I’m just monitoring my calorie intake and trying to make more mindful choices.  I remind myself to reach for a yogurt as a snack rather than ice cream.  Or to throw extra spinach leaves in my veggie wrap and a little less cheese.  It’s really hard most days but I’m trying to keep in mind what I posted last week about loving myself into healthy.  I’m doing this for me.  I want to be healthy and, eventually, get to a point where this is my norm and “making good choices” becomes “eating” because a majority of what I eat will just naturally be a good choice.

Does that make sense?

It sounds good in my head and when I read it out loud but I know what I mean and I hope you do, too.

One thing that has really helped?  Having friends on the journey with me!  I’ve raved before about My Fitness Pal so I will spare you, but it’s really really amazing how much more motivated I feel when I login and see that one friend burned over 600 calories with one workout (ZOMG!) or that this friend lost 1 pound last week!  It inspires me to keep it up so that I will have something to post that I am proud of.  It also helps tremendously that Greg is losing weight with me.  It’s always nice when your partner in life grabs your hand and you can make a journey together.

Another thing that is helping?  My fat fighters!  I love those little suckers!  I’m also wrapping at least once/week to help tighten my skin as I lose weight.

One thing I need to work on?

Working out.

Woof.

I know that I would love it if I could just commit to it but man, oh man.  It’s really hard to get to that point. 

But, still!!  13.2 pounds!!!  Whoot Whoot!!!

In order to avoid you picking my side purely based on the fact that you value our friendship and don’t want me to be mad at you, I will keep our positions anonymous and let you decide who said what and, more importantly, who is right.

Here’s a hint: I’m right.

Backstory: Greg has mock interviews with several area schools today and, if they like him well enough, they will keep him “in mind” for a job in August (which I think basically means that he will be able to interview with them again but he might have a slight edge because they have seen his face before).  After some deliberation and discussion with his instructors, he settled on wearing a suit.  He currently only owns one suit so that decision was easy.  Then he had to figure out a shirt (the suit has extremely thin blue pinstripes so a blue shirt was an obvious choice) and the tie.

Position #1: There are 3 ties to choose from.  One of them is out of the question because it is teal and navy.  This one (in the picture) is the best choice.  It compliments the shirt without being too loud.

Position #2: I think the tie should be either solid or striped.  This tie (in the picture) is too distracting to the eye.  What if the principal can’t focus on the interview because of the very distracting tie?

So, what do you say?  Does that tie look good or distracting?

But this woman basically summed up what I was trying to say.  Especially the part about how you cannot hate yourself into a healthy place.  It’s easy to make a resolution about losing weight.  That’s why it’s the number one resolution every January!  But, if you make that resolution because you hate your ass/hips/stomach/arms/neck/jowls, then that resolution won’t stick.  You have to love yourself in order to get healthy.  Sometimes you have to love yourself enough to smack the brownie out of your hand before you stuff it in your face, but whatevah.

You get the idea.

Love yourself enough to want to be a healthier version of yourself.

Love yourself enough to be accountable to get off the couch and workout for 30 minutes because you know the sweat will make you healthier.

Love yourself enough to not pin the blame on your spouse if they cheat and eat an extra slice of pizza and you decide that it’s okay if you do the same.

I’m going to love myself into a healthier place.

It’s not going to be easy and I know I will stumble along the way but it will be worth it. 

My kids deserve to have a healthy mom that has the energy to keep up with them.

My husband deserves to have a wife that sees the beauty that he sees and wants to continue to build our (long) happy life together.

I deserve to not be filled with self-loathing every time I shop for a bathing suit/underwear/jeans.

So today, I’m going to have lunch with my co-workers.  They are having pizza.  I’m having a baked potato (ranch dressing rather than sour cream) and an apple with peanut butter (gotta have some protein!).

Because I love myself enough to know that it’s the better choice for me right now.

And then I died.

When I recovered I assured myself that I hallucinated just prior to passing out and that hallucination was what I witnessed rather than my weight.  

Then stupidly, I tempted fate again.

Then I promptly marched into the living room to get Greg to force him to weigh himself because I will be damned if we didn’t both overdo it over the holidays and if I am going to be miserable, he is going to join me on this ride.

Misery loves company, amiright?

We both buckled down and decided that the time had come (again) to lose weight.

We both logged back into My Fitness Pal (my username is mommastemme if you are looking for a buddy to encourage/support/kick your ass) and begrudgingly updated our weights and began to count calories.

We’ve both been down this road multiple times and this website really seemed to be the most helpful thing.  It forces you to be accountable for everything that you eat (bonus: there is a mobile version so we both installed the app so we can update on the go!).  There is a spot for exercise on there (which I’m really bad about but I’m going to work on it).  There is also a huge database for every food imaginable.  Everything from granola bars from Aldi’s to dinner at Applebee’s.  It really takes the guesswork out of counting.  And sometimes it saves you from eating a 700 calorie Peanut Buster Parfait when you only have 250 calories left for a snack.

*Ahem*

Did I mention that it’s completely FREE?!?!  Which is the best thing in the world for my husband because he is so tight that his butt squeaks when he walks.  Or maybe that’s gas.

Probably gas.

This won’t be easy.  I know that because I’ve done this before.

However.

I’m not going to set crazy goals for myself and put tons of pressure on myself (out loud, anyway).  I have an idea of where my goal weight is and I know that it’s going to take some time before I get there. 

In addition to being more mindful of the foods that I eat & upping the amount that I exercise (yikes, you guys?  I’m going to try but it’s really hard for me to get this one done), I’m also going to wrap once/week and I’m also taking my Vitals, Greens  (hello 8 servings of fruits/veggies!) and ThermoFit (3/day gives me an extra 278 calories burned!!)

(Ramble alert:) It’s really unfortunate that carrots make me more hungry after I’ve eaten them.  Does this happen to anybody else?  Or is it just me?  Of all of the vegetables, they are one of my favorites and, don’t get me wrong, they are much better than chips if I’m looking for a crunchy snack.  But it does sort of de-rail the process of eating healthier if I’m more ravenous after my 9am snack, yes?

Especially when my co-workers are all sipping on their delicious mochas and eating biscuits and gravy.

Water and carrots.

Mocha and B&G.

Hmmmmmm.

The devil is dripping in gravy right now.

But I will not give into the temptation.

I waited to put this out there in the universe because sometimes it feels like that jinxes it, ya know?  But now that we are through week 1, I’m so happy and proud to report that I’m down 7.1 pounds!!  Yes, I know that it’s mostly water/holiday weight and yes, I know that the next 7 pounds won’t be that easy.  However, 7.1 pounds is absolutely a win for the week!

Feel free to leave a comment and share your New Year’s Resolutions/Goals and, if you decide that you want to join My Fitness Pal, be sure to look me up!  We can all use some encouragement!

P.S. This post is not sponsored in any way.  My Fitness Pal has no idea who I am but I love ‘em anyway!

P.P.S. If you want the hook-up on wraps (or any of our other products) or just want more info about them, holla at me and we will get together!

Of course she had other plans that involved a couch, Mickey Mouse and underwear.

Through a series of random and somewhat unfortunate events (that were quickly resolved), we ended up making a mad dash to Barnes & Noble to get a book for one of Greg’s classes that starts on Monday (Have you seen the ticker on the sidebar??  As of yesterday, we are a mere 4 months from graduation!!!)  As we were walking into B&N, Adrianna looked into the food court and saw the carousel. 

Her eyes lit up and I attempted to hide my internal dread from her.

“Pwease!  Pwease I wide it, can I?”

“No, baby.  We don’t really have time.”

Then my husband flashes a smile at me and says, “What else do we have to do tonight?  Let’s take her to ride it.”

And you know what?

He was right.

At that moment, we didn’t have anything better to do than to experience the pure excitement and joy that can only be felt when you are 2-years-old and are riding a plaster bunny around in a circle 5 times.

Most days I’m really bad about just “getting through it” and not really enjoying my children.  Luckily I have a husband that reminds me that our daughter will only be this age once and in 10 years, I will be the one begging her to ride the carousel with me.

I will give you 3 guesses who said that.

Here’s a clue: it wasn’t me or either of the kids.

Even though we have had the Christmas tree up for a few weeks already, I’m just now getting around to posting because, well, because I’m a combination of lazy and busy.

We do a fakey because 1) Greg has tons of allergies and I don’t want to find a real tree that we love and get decorated only to have my husband die of a sneeze attack and 2) we used to have cats and I didn’t want them to knock over a real tree and get sap/water all over my carpet.

The kids are sizing it up, decided the best way to go about tackling the beast.

Finally they call in for some reinforcements in the form of Daddy.

All lit up and nowhere to go.  (Again, sorry for the blurry.  My phone is perfect in every other way.)

I *think* Adrianna has at least underwear on but I can’t be sure.  Socks?  Yes.  Hair accessory?  Absolutely.  Any other clothes?  Meh.

We have tons of awesome ornaments that we’ve collected over the years.  Every year my parents buy us an ornament that is significant to us and in some way, represents the previous year.  I have a ton of nursing ornaments and Greg has some construction (from years gone by) and now has a few teacher ornaments.  The kids’ are usually in line with their current obsession (last year Brock’s was a Buzz/Woody one and Adrianna got a princess).

The kids loved all of their ornaments so much, they continuously moved them around on the tree to the point that I went out and bought them a 2-foot tree to keep in their room and we let them decorate it howEVER they wanted. 

Tiny colored lights?  Sure! 

3 Grinch ornaments on one branch so they won’t “get lonely”?  You bet! 

It’s your tree!  Knock yourselves out!

But stop touching the big tree because it is driving Momma bat-shit crazy.

Greg and I agreed that next year we are going to let each of the kids have their own tree for their own ornaments and a few of ours that they have fallen in love with (see: ones that have moving parts and sounds) and we are going to have a “fancy” tree in the living room. 

With coordinated ornaments and stuff. 

See what I mean about the fancy?  It’s outta control, y’all.

That’s the plan for next year but for now, our tree is up, our outside lights are strung and our stockings are hung by the door (because we have electric heat therefore no mantle) with care.  I will make a fresh batch of cookies for the fat man, buy some carrots for the reindeer and I will make a batch of cupcakes to celebrate Jesus’ birth. 

I love this time of year even though it’s commercialized and stressful.

I love getting together with friends and family.

I love our little church’s Christmas Cantata (which I missed this year.)

I love the excitement in our childrens’ eyes when we drive around and look at all of the “Christmas houses”.

I love that we are blessed enough to be able to give gifts to our family and friends.

I love that we have a Lord and Savior that sacrificed everything for us and that He gives us a reason to celebrate this time of year.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

At first, we weren’t going to tell them but Brock doesn’t like surprises, so we figured rather than having a meltdown, it would be best that he have a few minutes to prepare himself to meet the big man.  Usually Brock resists doing anything other than going to his grandparents’ houses or staying home & watching a movie in his underwear but last night, he was pumped.  He even got himself dressed.  Adrianna was much more of a challenge.  She didn’t want to wear her dress.  Then she didn’t want me to do her hair.  When she finally let me put a bow in her hair to keep her bangs out of her face, she was mad because we wouldn’t let her wear her new hat. 

I could go on but you get the idea.

She is two and lives to be contrary.

The entire way to the “North Pole” aka Bass Pro (obviously we like to keep it klassy), Brock asked us, “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” “Is this really the way to Santa’s house?”  After he convinced himself that Daddy knew Santa well enough to remember how to get to his house, he started on his list.  “Oh!  I know!  I’m going to tell Santa that I want a new shotgun!  And I want Socker Boppers* so we can fight!  And I want more cars so I can race them!”  See what I mean about a plan?  The boy had it all mapped out and new exactly what he was going to tell the fat man.  Mark my words: Brock is going to be the only one in our house that is prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.

When we arrived at Bass Pro, Brock saw all of the boats out front and immediately declared, “Oh!  I see Santa’s sleigh!”  We finally figured out that Brock decided that Santa’s sleigh turned into a boat so it would be hidden and people wouldn’t play on it and tear it up.

The boy is a quick thinker.

He gets it from his momma.

As soon as we found Santa’s workshop, Brock knew his mission.  He looked around until he spotted his target and, in one fluid movement, he dropped his dog, removed his coat, waved and yelled, “Hi Santaaaaaa!!!!!”.  He ran right up to him and jumped on his lap like they were the best of friends.

(Please note: visible white socks.  The boy is growing like a weed.  Send halp.  Or longer jeans.)

Adrianna had a few more reservations about Santa.

She immediately hid behind my legs.  I managed to peel her off of me but then she attached herself to my arms and wouldn’t let go.

She finally settled on standing in the vicinity of Santa while holding Daddy’s hand.

Side note: Bass Pro peeps?  Need better lighting.  Neither my kids nor Santa have jaundice.  And Brock’s lips aren’t normally that red.  It’s just the lighting, I swear.

As soon as we walked away from Santa, Adrianna was fine.

Like, annoyingly okay with the situation.

There were little booths set up where you can shoot (fake) guns.  Because nothing says, “Happy Holidays!” quite like the *ping* of a BB gun.  She was pleased as punch that she found a pink gun that she could “shoot”.

In other news, I think I might have found an idea for our Christmas cards.  Kids holding guns sends a good message, yes?

Merry Christmas to all!  And to all, a good night!!

*I’m fairly certain that these things were invented to give mothers everywhere a series of mild strokes.

Kids! Punch your way to a concussion!!

Last week, Brock asked me for a piece of candy.  Since I’m mother-of-the-year, I didn’t hesitate and grabbed a Hershey kiss out of our candy dish (that is hidden high on a shelf that the kids can’t reach because my children love candy more than the Pope loves Jesus.  Especially the youngest one.  The youngest child, I mean.  Not the youngest Pope.)

Brock looks at me totally aghast and says, “Not that kind!  The kind that we got for Halloween!”

Because I’m also a bit of a hoarder when it comes to certain types of candy, I haven’t let the kids devour all of their Halloween haul just yet and I grabbed their Halloween bags and absent-mindedly grabbed another piece.

Again, Brock looks at me like I’ve sprouted a second head and says, “Mooooommmmm!  You know what kind I mean.  It has a blue wrapper and it goes like dis ‘bomp-bomp-bomp-bomp’ (while he traces this pattern in the air with his finger: /\/\/\/\)”

It took me a good 10 minutes to finally figure out what he was talking about.  How about you?  Do you know the twisted inner workings of my child’s mind better than me?  The first person that guesses right will win something from my desk at work. 

Which means you will probably win a used staple.  Congratulations!!

Here’s a hint: the blue wrapper is totally a red herring.  This information would have been super-helpful to me at the time so you’re welcome.

Update: Mom guessed correctly with: Reese’s Peanut Butter cups!  The wrapper was blue but only in the part where it was telling me that I purchased an additional 30% more candy for our T-W-O trick-or-treaters. 

Which obviously meant that I ate 30% more candy this year.

Go, me!

Those edges?  Are the bomp-bomp-bomp-bomps.

Obviously.