You know.  Basic stuff that nurses (like myself) should know.  But when it’s your own child, all rational thinking goes out the window.

Yesterday was fairly uneventful since that’s when she was feeling the worst.

Today, once I was able to keep her fever down, she decided that she was going to make my life miserable.  Apparently it was her idea of appreciation for giving her life and helping her survive to this point.

Just in case you think I’m exaggerating, I made a list throughout the day today to prove my point:

• We took Brock to preschool for an all-day field trip and she was mad at me because I wouldn’t let her stay and paint.
• She continued to yell at me the entire way home.  “You so mean a me, mommy!  I want to stay and PAINT!!!”
• All during the day, at very random times, she would yell, “Poo!” at me.  She was not telling me that she needed to poop.  She was just trying to eff with my mind by scaring the bejesus outta me.
• Every time I would sit down, she would jump on my back, wrap her arms around my neck and yell, “We-haw!!”  When I would get up and let her ride me around the house, she would dig her heels into my sides.
• She screamed like I was chopping. her. head. off. when I asked her to put on underwear today.  I get it that sometimes when you have the flu that even having clothes on hurts, but Jeeze, oh Pete.
• During her nap, she took a huge poop.  It didn’t wake her up enough to come and get me.  At one point, she started to cough and I was worried that she was going to throw up.  I walked into her room and saw it.  Poop.  Smeared across her face.  Apparently the poop made her butt itch so she scratched it.  Then she scratched her face.  Awesomesauce.  That’s right.  Poop on her face.
• When I woke her up to give her a bath and remove the poop from her body, she was mad because she was still, “Weawwy tiwed.”  Again, I get it.  But child?  Your butt and face and hands are coated in poop.  A bath is absolutely necessary.
• During her bath, she got mad at me because her water was too cold.  Then it was too hot.  Note: I did not change the water temperature at all.
• During her bath, she yelled at me because her ”shaving cream” (Mr. Bubble bath foam) got in her hair.  She put it in her own hair.
• During her bath, she cried because I had to wash the poop and shaving cream out of her hair.  Feel free to re-read that sentence.  The kid got mad at me because I was trying to clean the poop out of her hair and off of her face.
• Finally, she got tired of my bathtime antics, threw her hands up in the air and said through a face full of tears, “Just get me out of hewe!”
• Immediately after she threw up, she wanted a glass of apple juice.  When I told her no, she told me I was the meanest Mommy EVER!!!
• She asked to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  When I started it for her, she changed her mind and wanted to watch Octonauts.  We didn’t have any episodes of Octonauts DVR’d.  Can you guess what happened next?  That’s right.  She started to scream and throw a little fitlet.
• During the closing sequence of an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, she demanded that I get on the bed and jump with her.  I told her no to jumping on the bed but we could dance on the floor.  She folded up her arms, stuck out her bottom lip and said, “Humph!  You nevew wet me DANCE!!!  EVER!!”
• And, finally.  She was watching a movie in the living room, I was folding up laundry in our bedroom.  She busts into my bedroom and says, “Hello!  It’s me!!  Julia!!!!!”  And then ran right back out of the room.

I’m so exhausted that I need another sick day.  But tomorrow?  I’m sending her to the babysitter.

I’m not trying to be braggy and a total attention-whore but OHMYGOSHI’MSOEXCITED!!!!

Seven weeks into this weight-loss journey and I’m officially down 20 pounds.

20.1 to be exact and I’m THRILLED!!!!

Not that you asked, but I’m going to tell you what I’ve been doing.

• Still loving the My Fitness Pal app.  It really helps to keep me on track and I have a few friends on there so we can encourage each other with every tenth of a pound lost, high-five for every exercise that we do and are there to kick some ace whenever we fall off the wagon.  (If you are thinking of joining, do it!  It’s FREE, there is an app for smart phones and I will be your friend so we can help each other out!  mommastemme is my screen name in case you forgot.  Which, obviously you didn’t.)
• Along with tracking calories with My Fitness Pal, I’m being more mindful of food choices.  I swear, I’m not starving myself or only eating veggies but I have passed on some delicious treats at work lately.  And, we went out to dinner last night with a couple of friends and I immediately asked for a to-go box for half of my food.  It’s hard but it will be worth it.
• I’ve been drinking the It Works ProFit shakes for breakfast.  And, let me just tell you about that.

I was a little leery about trying them at first because I’m über-sensitive to protein-y tasting things.  But I decided that they were worth a shot and I’ve been hearing nothing but great things about them.  I got both chocolate and vanilla knowing that you can cover most anything in chocolate and it’s edible.

It’s a proven fact.

I’ve been mixing one scoop of the chocolate ProFit, a handful of ice, 1/2-3/4 cup of vanilla almond milk, a splash of water (just to thin in out a bit), and 1 TBSP of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.  All of that combined is under 300 calories and seriously?  It tastes just like a Frosty from Wendy’s.  And it keeps me full all morning.

Can I get an amen?!

For those non-chocolate people (do those people exist??), Greg prefers vanilla and this is what he usually puts in his every morning: 1 scoop of the vanilla ProFit, half of a peeled orange, a few strawberries, a banana, a handful of ice and water (no milk for the lactose-intolerance family members!).  We’ve also put in pineapple and are going to try something with pears and peaches this week.  This weekend, I also added Greens to his smoothies in the morning and he can’t even tell that they are in there!  I’m so sneaky!

One of the best things about the vanilla ProFit is that you really can add anything you want to them.  I made them for my mom & grandma with strawberries, apples, grapes, blueberries & water.  I also think a spoonful of Greek Yogurt would be yummy!  If you’ve tried other “recipes”, let me know!  I’m always open to other yummy ideas!

• I’ve also been continuing with the Couch to 5K app.  Let me just say this about running: I may never love it like some people do.  But, I do love the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I’m done.  I love that I can start to see a difference in how my clothes fit.  And, I got new running shoes for Valentine’s Day so it’s that much more motivation to keep it up.  I have had to repeat a few days (especially if I run 2 or more days in a row or if I’m particularly sore after a run) but tomorrow I’m getting ready to start Week 3, Day 1.  Because I’ve been able to really stick with it, I’m going to sign up for a few 5Ks and am considering a half-marathon.  Although, I thought it would be fun to save a half-marathon for my 30th birthday, or some other special occasion.  And, since we are all friends here, I can be honest with you when I say that it might take me 17 months to prepare (both mentally and physically) for 13.1 miles.
• I’m still (as always) taking my It Works supplements.  In the morning I take 2 scoops of Greens (in about an ounce of water), 2 Vitals, 1 New You (it helps with post-workout recovery), 2 ThermoFit (boosts my metabolism).  I take fat fighters anytime I over-eat or if I indulge during the day.  I take another ThermoFit at lunch (3/day gives you an extra 278 calories burned in a day!) and then I take 2 New You at bedtime (in addition to helping you recover from a workout, it also helps regulate your sleep cycle and improve memory function).  And I’m wrapping about once every other week just to help keep my skin nice and firm so I don’t have lots of extra flab once I hit my goal weight.  If anybody has any questions about any of our supplements, I would be more than happy to answer them!
• I also have a kick-ace husband who is doing this with me.  Not that it can’t be done alone, but it makes a difference to me to have a partner in this journey.  Even if my partner is a dude that loses weight faster than me so in the same amount of time, he has lost 30 pounds.  Whatever.  I mean, I’m not bitter or anything.  It’s just really unfair that I have all of this extra “baby” weight I-like-to-eat-weight and I have to work twice as hard as him to lose 10 pounds less.  I’m fine with it.

So that’s it!  I’m super-duper proud of ditching this 20 pounds in 7 weeks!  And I can’t wait to see what comes in the next 7 weeks!

P.S. I’m not paid to give my opinion about My Fitness Pal.  I just really really love them.  However, if they want to send me some money, I wouldn’t turn it down.

P.P.S. I am an Independent Distributor for It Works! Global (the company behind the ProFit shakes and all of the other supplements that I discussed).  However, everything that I said is 100% true and is 100% my opinion.  They don’t know, nor did they ask me to write this post.  I did it because I’m damn proud of my hard work and if what I’m doing will help somebody else, I’m all for it.

But I know that I need to up the amount of cardio that I do (which, as of a few weeks ago was about the level of “My heartbeat speeds up when I watch a scary movie.”) and ever since I made the decision to get healthy with weight-loss as a side-effect, I knew that I would eventually have to incorporate exercise into that.

I’ve fought with Jillian and her so-called 30-Day Shred.

I’ve cried when Tony Horton pranced around like a poodle on crack telling me what a great job I’m doing and I can barely do one pull-up.

I’m too poor (and frankly, too realistic) to buy a gym membership.

I was almost desperate enough to buy a Richard Simmons video.

But I decided to start running.

I’ve casually run before.  Like when my kids threaten to eat the last cookie and I have to race them to the kitchen.  Or when I did that 5K for boobies.

But I’ve never really been able to stick with any sort of exercise program.

Obviously.  This fact is what necessitated the change.

But over a year ago, several of my online friends were discussing an app called Couch to 5K.  The point is that it gets you from the couch to running a 5K in 8 weeks.  Which is kind of perfect for me because I do want to get healthy but I’m not in an incredible rush to run a marathon or anything.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally downloaded the free version.  I only downloaded the free version because, while I love my husband very very much, he might be the cheapest man on the plant and he didn’t want me to spend $1.99 on the full-version until I tried this one out to see if I would actually stick with it. 

Humph. 

So I tried it. 

And?  It’s interesting . . .

I can play iTunes while the program is running which is a must because I run like a 2,000 pound elephant and I don’t need a reminder of that. 

Plus, I like to listen to really angry Eminem while I run.

I find that it relaxes me.

But the premise of the C25K is that is works you up to be able to run a full 5K.  So the first day you have a 5 minute warm-up.  Followed by multiple intervals of 1-minute running/1.5 minutes walking and then finally a 5-minute cool-down. 

One of my favorite things about the app is when it’s time to run, it turns down your iTunes and a little ding! comes on and a very soothing voice says, “Start running”.  Then the iTunes turn back up and before you know it, you have run for a full-minute with “Back that Ass Up” pushing you forward.

So last week I did really well.  I ran all 3 days (like the programs suggests) but then Friday night I got waylaid by a nasty stomach bug courtesy of mini-me (Adrianna, I mean.  Not Vern Troyer.  Although THAT would be one helluva blog post, no?).  Even after feeling mostly better on Sunday, I was afraid to chance it because there is this thing called Runner’s Trots.

And I kinda already had that courtesy of my stomach bug.

And I didn’t really want to shit my pants.

So yesterday I felt like I was in the safe-zone so I decided to chance it.

I packed my running clothes, picked Brock up from daycare, sent Adrianna to dance class and went to my parents’ house. 

Brock played with my parents while I ran.

Even though it was cold.

And I was running into the wind.

And I forgot to pack a t-shirt so I had 2 sports bras (curse you, breastfeeding!) and my hoodie which nearly made me freeze, initially.  But then I got a pretty good sweat going so I warmed up fairly quickly.

And I forgot to pack my ear warmers (thank goodness for the hood on the hoodie!).

And I forgot to pack gloves so I tucked my hands inside my sleeves.

Even though all of those things were trying to persuade me not to run, I did it.

I ran/walked 3 miles and I hated almost every second of it. 

But.

I was incredibly proud of myself that I actually did it.

And getting up off the couch is step #1.

A binkie just wouldn’t cut it because he would roll it around in his mouth for a few seconds, spit it out, scream his fool head off and then eventually find his thumb and would self-soothe.

For awhile, it was no big deal but now that he’s four (and a half! Gasp!), it’s high-time we ditch the thumb-sucking.  We’ve tried several different things ranging from gentle reminders to taking his beloved Brown Dog away for 5 minutes at a time.

One thing that we tried (and abandoned) multiple times is a little substance called Thumb.  It tastes horrible and the idea is to brush it onto the child’s thumb and it will keep them from sucking their thumb.

Easy-peasy, right?

Except.  Brock puts on a very convincing show when we pull out the vial of Thumb.

He cries.

He tucks his thumbs into his fists.

He cries more.

He tries to bargain.

He screams.

He tells us how unfair his life is!  We are the meanest parents ever!

He usually talks Greg out of it on the condition that he won’t suck his thumb (Ha!  Haha!  Hahahahahahahaha!  Silly Greg)

Last night, I decided that I had to be the mean parent and force Greg to stay strong.

We got many “Life’s not fair!” and wailing and big.fat.crocodile.tears but we stayed strong and put the Thumb on the thumbs. (We got a double-unfair! when he realized that we were after both of his thumbs!  Haha!  Like I was going to forget the other one?!)

But he did finally fall asleep and he even boasted this morning about how proud he was of himself that he didn’t suck his thumb last night and how he was working on not sucking his thumb today because he learned his lesson and didn’t want the “yucky stuff” on his thumbs again tonight.

We were so proud of our big boy!

We couldn’t believe our good luck (<–This?  Right here?  I deserve to have my “experienced mother” card revoked and I deserve a big fat rookie ribbon stapled to my damn forehead.  Never.  NEVER think these things, much less say them out loud.  No sooner do you brag to your friends about how well your child is sleeping, do they make you eat your words at midnight, 1am, 3am, 3:30am & 5am.)

Tonight, as we were tucking Brock in, Greg caught him sucking his thumb.

“Son, do I need to put that yucky stuff on your thumb?”

“Um, sure!  I don’t want to suck my thumbs anymore!  Go ahead, Dad!”

{enter suspicious mother}

“Uh, okay.  Good choice, son”

Then, initially joking, Greg said, “Should I put it on your fingers, too?”

Immediately, all laughter and superiority disappeared from our first-born’s face.

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

He cried.

He balled his fingers into fists.

He cried more.

He tried to bargain.

He screamed.

He told us how unfair his life is!  We are the meanest parents ever!

Greg’s jaw dropped as I silently laughed to myself.

That’s right.  Brock wasn’t sucking his thumb.

Nope.  He was sucking his fingers when Greg was putting the Thumb on his thumbs.

Greg could NOT believe that he was tricked by our little angel.

I could not believe that it took the little “angel” as long as it did to figure out a way around it.

Homeboy is pissed that we aren’t as stupid as he had assumed.

He’s got one of two career options at this point:

1) Politician

2) White-collar criminal

And, I mean really?  These days?  Is there any difference?

I have completely learned my lesson and am 100% sorry for always wanting to sleep in as late as possible during the week but waking up before 6am on the weekends just to watch pointless cartoons and demand that my parents bring me snacks while I was younger. You have been successful in your hard lessons by teaching me what I put my parents through. Now that I’ve learned my lesson, can you please stop trying to teach me this particular one? Please?

Sincerely,
A mother that is currently 4.5 years behind on sleep.

I weighed myself this morning and I am currently down 13.2 pounds in just under 3 weeks!!

New Year’s Resolutions, FTW!!!  (FTW = for the win.  It took me a few minutes months to figure it out so I thought I would pass it along for those that didn’t know.  It also stands for F*** the World so you see why I was very confused for several months.  I couldn’t understand why everybody in my virtual world had become so gangsta all of a sudden.  Turns out?  I’m just incredibly white and nerdy.)

I swear to all that is Holy, I’m not doing anything crazy.  I honestly wouldn’t even call this a “diet”.  I’m just monitoring my calorie intake and trying to make more mindful choices.  I remind myself to reach for a yogurt as a snack rather than ice cream.  Or to throw extra spinach leaves in my veggie wrap and a little less cheese.  It’s really hard most days but I’m trying to keep in mind what I posted last week about loving myself into healthy.  I’m doing this for me.  I want to be healthy and, eventually, get to a point where this is my norm and “making good choices” becomes “eating” because a majority of what I eat will just naturally be a good choice.

Does that make sense?

It sounds good in my head and when I read it out loud but I know what I mean and I hope you do, too.

One thing that has really helped?  Having friends on the journey with me!  I’ve raved before about My Fitness Pal so I will spare you, but it’s really really amazing how much more motivated I feel when I login and see that one friend burned over 600 calories with one workout (ZOMG!) or that this friend lost 1 pound last week!  It inspires me to keep it up so that I will have something to post that I am proud of.  It also helps tremendously that Greg is losing weight with me.  It’s always nice when your partner in life grabs your hand and you can make a journey together.

Another thing that is helping?  My fat fighters!  I love those little suckers!  I’m also wrapping at least once/week to help tighten my skin as I lose weight.

One thing I need to work on?

Working out.

Woof.

I know that I would love it if I could just commit to it but man, oh man.  It’s really hard to get to that point. 

But, still!!  13.2 pounds!!!  Whoot Whoot!!!

In order to avoid you picking my side purely based on the fact that you value our friendship and don’t want me to be mad at you, I will keep our positions anonymous and let you decide who said what and, more importantly, who is right.

Here’s a hint: I’m right.

Backstory: Greg has mock interviews with several area schools today and, if they like him well enough, they will keep him “in mind” for a job in August (which I think basically means that he will be able to interview with them again but he might have a slight edge because they have seen his face before).  After some deliberation and discussion with his instructors, he settled on wearing a suit.  He currently only owns one suit so that decision was easy.  Then he had to figure out a shirt (the suit has extremely thin blue pinstripes so a blue shirt was an obvious choice) and the tie.

Position #1: There are 3 ties to choose from.  One of them is out of the question because it is teal and navy.  This one (in the picture) is the best choice.  It compliments the shirt without being too loud.

Position #2: I think the tie should be either solid or striped.  This tie (in the picture) is too distracting to the eye.  What if the principal can’t focus on the interview because of the very distracting tie?

So, what do you say?  Does that tie look good or distracting?

But this woman basically summed up what I was trying to say.  Especially the part about how you cannot hate yourself into a healthy place.  It’s easy to make a resolution about losing weight.  That’s why it’s the number one resolution every January!  But, if you make that resolution because you hate your ass/hips/stomach/arms/neck/jowls, then that resolution won’t stick.  You have to love yourself in order to get healthy.  Sometimes you have to love yourself enough to smack the brownie out of your hand before you stuff it in your face, but whatevah.

You get the idea.

Love yourself enough to want to be a healthier version of yourself.

Love yourself enough to be accountable to get off the couch and workout for 30 minutes because you know the sweat will make you healthier.

Love yourself enough to not pin the blame on your spouse if they cheat and eat an extra slice of pizza and you decide that it’s okay if you do the same.

I’m going to love myself into a healthier place.

It’s not going to be easy and I know I will stumble along the way but it will be worth it. 

My kids deserve to have a healthy mom that has the energy to keep up with them.

My husband deserves to have a wife that sees the beauty that he sees and wants to continue to build our (long) happy life together.

I deserve to not be filled with self-loathing every time I shop for a bathing suit/underwear/jeans.

So today, I’m going to have lunch with my co-workers.  They are having pizza.  I’m having a baked potato (ranch dressing rather than sour cream) and an apple with peanut butter (gotta have some protein!).

Because I love myself enough to know that it’s the better choice for me right now.

And then I died.

When I recovered I assured myself that I hallucinated just prior to passing out and that hallucination was what I witnessed rather than my weight.  

Then stupidly, I tempted fate again.

Then I promptly marched into the living room to get Greg to force him to weigh himself because I will be damned if we didn’t both overdo it over the holidays and if I am going to be miserable, he is going to join me on this ride.

Misery loves company, amiright?

We both buckled down and decided that the time had come (again) to lose weight.

We both logged back into My Fitness Pal (my username is mommastemme if you are looking for a buddy to encourage/support/kick your ass) and begrudgingly updated our weights and began to count calories.

We’ve both been down this road multiple times and this website really seemed to be the most helpful thing.  It forces you to be accountable for everything that you eat (bonus: there is a mobile version so we both installed the app so we can update on the go!).  There is a spot for exercise on there (which I’m really bad about but I’m going to work on it).  There is also a huge database for every food imaginable.  Everything from granola bars from Aldi’s to dinner at Applebee’s.  It really takes the guesswork out of counting.  And sometimes it saves you from eating a 700 calorie Peanut Buster Parfait when you only have 250 calories left for a snack.

*Ahem*

Did I mention that it’s completely FREE?!?!  Which is the best thing in the world for my husband because he is so tight that his butt squeaks when he walks.  Or maybe that’s gas.

Probably gas.

This won’t be easy.  I know that because I’ve done this before.

However.

I’m not going to set crazy goals for myself and put tons of pressure on myself (out loud, anyway).  I have an idea of where my goal weight is and I know that it’s going to take some time before I get there. 

In addition to being more mindful of the foods that I eat & upping the amount that I exercise (yikes, you guys?  I’m going to try but it’s really hard for me to get this one done), I’m also going to wrap once/week and I’m also taking my Vitals, Greens  (hello 8 servings of fruits/veggies!) and ThermoFit (3/day gives me an extra 278 calories burned!!)

(Ramble alert:) It’s really unfortunate that carrots make me more hungry after I’ve eaten them.  Does this happen to anybody else?  Or is it just me?  Of all of the vegetables, they are one of my favorites and, don’t get me wrong, they are much better than chips if I’m looking for a crunchy snack.  But it does sort of de-rail the process of eating healthier if I’m more ravenous after my 9am snack, yes?

Especially when my co-workers are all sipping on their delicious mochas and eating biscuits and gravy.

Water and carrots.

Mocha and B&G.

Hmmmmmm.

The devil is dripping in gravy right now.

But I will not give into the temptation.

I waited to put this out there in the universe because sometimes it feels like that jinxes it, ya know?  But now that we are through week 1, I’m so happy and proud to report that I’m down 7.1 pounds!!  Yes, I know that it’s mostly water/holiday weight and yes, I know that the next 7 pounds won’t be that easy.  However, 7.1 pounds is absolutely a win for the week!

Feel free to leave a comment and share your New Year’s Resolutions/Goals and, if you decide that you want to join My Fitness Pal, be sure to look me up!  We can all use some encouragement!

P.S. This post is not sponsored in any way.  My Fitness Pal has no idea who I am but I love ‘em anyway!

P.P.S. If you want the hook-up on wraps (or any of our other products) or just want more info about them, holla at me and we will get together!

Of course she had other plans that involved a couch, Mickey Mouse and underwear.

Through a series of random and somewhat unfortunate events (that were quickly resolved), we ended up making a mad dash to Barnes & Noble to get a book for one of Greg’s classes that starts on Monday (Have you seen the ticker on the sidebar??  As of yesterday, we are a mere 4 months from graduation!!!)  As we were walking into B&N, Adrianna looked into the food court and saw the carousel. 

Her eyes lit up and I attempted to hide my internal dread from her.

“Pwease!  Pwease I wide it, can I?”

“No, baby.  We don’t really have time.”

Then my husband flashes a smile at me and says, “What else do we have to do tonight?  Let’s take her to ride it.”

And you know what?

He was right.

At that moment, we didn’t have anything better to do than to experience the pure excitement and joy that can only be felt when you are 2-years-old and are riding a plaster bunny around in a circle 5 times.

Most days I’m really bad about just “getting through it” and not really enjoying my children.  Luckily I have a husband that reminds me that our daughter will only be this age once and in 10 years, I will be the one begging her to ride the carousel with me.